Bullies......worse than zombies!

I had thought that when I started to blog, it would be about knitting. However, once I started to write things down ~ I realized how many things I had to say! Probably not interesting for all, but stuff that I'd like to share or get off of my chest. So today I have been ruminating about bullies. My first experience with a bully was in grade 6. It was my introduction to many overpowering emotions; fear, despair, isolation, helplessness and loss of self confidence and self esteem. It lasted for about a year and probably changed the course of my life for a while. I lost confidence and found friends that I thought could protect me. It annoys me that I still think about that bully and it still hurts 40 years down the road.

That experience was NOTHING compared to the soul crushing pain and helplessness I experienced when it was my child who was bullied. She got it bad. It was physical, psychological and even the teachers had a crack at her. It started in Grade 1 and continued for her entire time in school. We tried homeschooling, but my beautiful girl was absolutely determined to find her place in the playground. My husband and I were at the school constantly. We tried mediation with the bullies...counselling and threats. Nothing worked. We didn't know at the time that my daughter had Asperger's syndrome. But we knew that she was different. She had a scary high IQ and was/is an extremely gifted violinist. Also, she's strikingly beautiful. You would think those things would guarantee social success. Nope. She dropped out of high school and went on to a very successful musical career. I found this book during her adolescence, it was amazing and depressing. I would highly recommend it though. Reviving Ophelia, by Mary Pipher.


Our son was a miracle baby, born 15 years after our first. He was diagnosed at 3yrs old with Aspergers. We were not surprised, he was already reading at a grade 5 level and could name all the planets in order....with their physical manifestations. Scary, for sure!! Our daughter begged us not to put him into regular school. She was right. We tried one year and the bullying started. I was amazed how vicious these wee little kinders could be. He's been homeschooled since in a wonderful program where he attends classes once a week and works at home with two visits from an amazing Special Ed teacher the rest of the week. I wonder if the real world will be too much of a shock for him....but at least until then, he is not being destroyed.

So that's the history of bullies for the formative years. What really blew my mind is the reality that bullies never go away. They're everywhere!! On the road, at work, in parking lots, grocery stores, everywhere!! My husband and I spent quite a few years in wonderment and self pity before it got to be too much and we decided that we needed to learn about bullies. We found quite a few books on the phenomenon and started studying. The one that changed the world for us was "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense at Work" by Suzette Haden Elgin. My husband and I worked through the book together and it totally changed the way we communicate with each other and the people we encounter. A life changer for sure!

It was an eyeopener to find behaviors in ourselves that made us perfect targets. It was challenging to change those, but in the end it was totally worth it. We have a mental blueprint now that helps us decipher and diffuse situations that could become abusive. Sometimes, especially on the road...you just get out of the way. Don't make eye contact or flip them the bird (you can still do that in your head if it makes you feel better). This is a sensible video on handling road bullies.



So, they're out there....like the zombie apocalypse....only it's the bully apocalypse. Maybe I'm in a minority of people who think bullies are running amok and rampant. Maybe it's because I have special needs kids and that seems to be a red flag to bullies. Maybe it's just human nature and it's always been this way. I don't know, but it's definitely worth the time to learn how to deal with them without losing your power.